Smoke Signals

Dear Salmon,  suspect there is something fishy going on in my relationship… how do I fin out this clownfish partner of mine? – Tuna Turner

If you are feeling isolated in your relationship, communicate with your significant other. Looking around and sneaking will only make your suspicions worse and will make your partner suspicious of you. Start the conversation with communication:

• Calmly address the situation, confront your partner in a space that makes both of you feel safe. Before jumping to conclusions, give them the time and opportunity. 
• Focus on the Facts Without Blaming 
• Allow Yourself to Feel and Name Your Emotions.
• Ask Your Partner Why They Cheated.
• Decide Whether You Want to Work It Out.

If you want to continue the relationship, a wise choice is to set new boundaries for the relationship. Couples therapy can be a healthy and effective way to work out your issues. It’s a safe space that is a way to get all of your feelings out into the open. If you can find a way to re-establish trust in the relationship, you can continue. If you can never trust them again it’s time to leave. 

It’s all up to you what you choose to do with your current relationship, but it’s important to make the healthy choice for you. Don’t suffocate because you aren’t getting enough oxygen in the fish tank. 

Dear Salmon, My fish just died. My grandma’s best friend just died and my grandma yelled at me and said a fish is not a human and her grief struggle is worse. It made me feel like I’m not allowed to feel bad for my fish best friend. Any advice on how to talk to my grandma? Red H. Erring

Acknowledge your grief, and give yourself permission to express it. Allow yourself to cry. If you live alone, the silence in your home might feel deafening, but acknowledging it will allow you to prepare for the emotions you might feel. Suppressing your feelings of sadness can prolong your grief. This type of loss is considered less socially normal.. Your Grandma is causing you to have disenfranchised grief, which is defined as: losses that society doesn’t fully appreciate or ignores. This can make it harder to mourn around others. The grief of losing a pet can equal the grief of losing a loved one, because for a lot of people your pets are included in your loved ones.

Explain to your grandmother that while she loved her best friend, that your fish was one of your best friends. You are suffering a loss too, and can empathize with exactly how she is feeling. I would say that it hurts for your grief to be belittled, when you were just trying to help her by explaining that you are feeling the same way. Effective communication is the quickest way to help someone understand you, so effectively communicate with your grandmother.

Dear Salmon, Can a fish drown? Or would it be suffocation? In water or out? Whatever. How can I fit in while still being myself? Love, Carp in Crisis

Fish cannot really drown, because drowning is death by being submerged in water. Fish are always submerged in water. However, fish can die by “inhaling” water, since they breathe oxygen like us, filtered out of the water by their gills. If their gills fail, then they would suffocate. I understand you feeling like that, and even if it isn’t exactly drowning, you may take solace in the fact that fish can also relate to your situation. Seek out like-minded peers in clubs, sports, church groups, or any other extra-curricular activities. Odds are, there are people out there who will accept you just as you are, so you can get the best of both worlds!